We have Father’s Day approaching, a special time to lift up and honor the Dads. But some of us don’t have the best memory of our fathers, and I’m sure that there are a lot of wives that don’t like how their husbands have fathered their children. There is bitterness or anger that may be buried deep within regarding fathers.
Instead of presenting this article on the weekend of Father’s Day, we wanted to post this a week prior so that we can have a chance to clear the air. The angst and resentment of a bad father needs to be put to rest. Father’s Day needs to be a neutral day or a special day, but it should never be a bitter day.
Before we get into picking apart our father’s shortcomings or our husband’s ability to father our children, let’s put things into perspective on how G-d sees all of this.
G-d knew that parents would never be perfect and that some parents would be just plain awful. But G-d would never allow something to happen that would be beyond His ability to repair. As we grow older, our maturity helps us extend grace a bit more toward our parents, especially when we realize WE haven’t been the best parents either.
No parent is perfect. No parent can read a child’s mind or cater to them perfectly. Our Abba Father knows that, and He is very capable of filling in ALL the voids that our parents could not fulfill. Instead of resenting our parents and wishing they were different, we should have the wisdom to know that because they are human, they will fall short. But, we have a glorious Father in heaven who created us and knows how to replenish ANYTHING lost or broken in our lives.
You are not permanently emotionally impaired or “broken” because of your parents abuse or neglect. All things that were emotionally stunted in you, by your parents, can be redeemed by your Heavenly Father and you can move forward, restored and renewed, fully capable of putting an end to bad behavior that loves to move from one generation to another. Yahshua’s redeeming blood covers all sin and restores any wounding. He will complete the perfect work in YOU that He started. With that said, it is time to clear the cobwebs of bitterness, shame, or resentment and release our earthly fathers/husbands for their shortcomings on fathering. We need to clear out our offense and forgive our fathers/husbands.
In this prayer, we are stepping in on behalf of the father that was not there for his children. Your father may not be able or may not be willing to ask for forgiveness for their shortcomings. We cannot hold this against them.
We need to forgive them even if they show no remorse. We are to forgive our “enemies,” so that we can walk in peace and not be enslaved to bitterness.
Forgiveness is not a recommendation but a command from our heavenly Father. It is so important that being unable to forgive can affect our salvation. You cannot ask the Father to forgive you of your sins, yet refuse to forgive others. G-d made that clear.
Matthew 6:14-15, For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; 15 but if you do not forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will not forgive yours.
A Letter of Forgiveness for All the Children Devalued by their Father
The Word of G-d says fathers are to submit and obey G-d, by loving their wives and children (1 Pet. 3:7, 1 Cor. 13:4). G-d has given the father and husband a certain amount of authority. Fathers must fight to protect the home. They are to guard and prevent evil persuasions from coming into our homes. Fathers also lovingly lead and instruct.
Fathers and husbands, we have been way too silent, and passive. We have left our wives and children to fight their own battles. They needed our protection and authority. G-d has ordained for us men to protect our family from the works of the dark kingdom.
I’m sorry for not coming under the authority of G-d, opening the wrong spiritual doors and allowing you to be open to attack from the evil one. I was supposed to protect you from the world, and I failed to do that well.
From all the fathers, who were too busy at work to notice their son or daughter. For all the special events that he missed because he was at work late. For every accomplishment, like your amazing drawings, artwork, and all the A papers you worked so hard at, that he didn’t notice or praise you for:
I am so sorry for being so busy not to see your accomplishments and how unique and beautiful you were. I did not realize how important each year was in your life and all the things you learned and the struggles you endured. I was too busy making money, making a name or building, making a ministry or business. I didn’t realize that I had sacrificed your upbringing along the way. Please forgive me for being selfish and self-centered, only thinking of myself. I thought there would be time later, but you grew up and matured so quickly under my watch.
From every father who was out saving the world but didn’t notice he was losing you:
I’m so sorry for putting lost souls ahead of you and allowing the evil one in my home to take away our relationship that is so dear.
For not keeping his promises, commitments, and word to you. For not knowing how to respond to you, talk with you, or hold you:
I’m genuinely sorry. A real father keeps his promises and commitments. A father keeps his word and should be approachable. I’m so sorry I was not approachable. I’m sorry you didn’t feel comfortable trusting me. I’m sorry that our communication was so lacking. Please forgive me for not being vulnerable with you.
From all the father’s and husbands who ignored their wives and children to pursue their own agenda:
I’m sorry that my needs came before yours. I emotionally abandoned you. We can’t go back and correct this, but I need to ask for your forgiveness for my selfishness. Please forgive me. I’m sorry that I have been unable to show you much needed affection that you needed and deserved.
To every child that came from a performance structured home, where achievements, success, and looking good meant everything to the fathers:
When I pushed you to excel, I didn’t realize that you felt you were only valuable when you were succeeding. I’m sorry for all the pressure I put on you. I hurried you up through childhood and put all my broken dreams onto you, for you to somehow magically fulfill. Please forgive me.
Fathers and husbands should steward their home responsibly. This duty is G-d given to every father and husband. Alcohol and drug addictions can prevent a father from this duty:
I want to say I’m sorry for replacing you for a bottle of alcohol, or drugs that I was addicted to. When I needed me the most, I wasn’t there for you. Please forgive me for putting the drink or drug as a priority over you. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe that I let a bottle or drugs imprison and trap me. It was not my lack of love for you. It was a lack of love and respect for myself. While I was numbing out my pain and anxiety, you were abandoned. Forgive me.
From the Father who Abandoned His Position and Left His Wife and Children on their Own:
I’m sorry for abandoning you for leaving and not coming back. You were the prize and jewel of my heart, and I was too damaged to even know it. I thought I could find the prize over the horizon. I realize it is now too late. I misled myself into thinking I could leave your mother and that it wouldn’t matter that I was leaving you as well. You were so young. I didn’t think you would know the difference and would be fine without me. I didn’t know that you would lose sleep wondering what you did wrong. Please forgive me for rejecting and abandoning you.
To every child who spilled its drink on the clean floor, whose legs were too little to keep up with dad, or whose everyday childish acts of craziness or madness were met with shame instead of understanding:
Please forgive me; I am genuinely sorry for not understanding you, for treating you as if you were already an adult. You were just acting the way a little child acts. You didn’t have the know-how or the finesse never to spill your milk. You didn’t have the leg span to always keep up. I reprimanded you for breaking rules that you didn’t even know were rules, and I acted out of anger, for not understanding what you weren’t taught yet. Please forgive me.
From the Abusive Father:
I’m sorry for the way I have used you for my advantage. I was damaged within and did not deserve to lead you and had no real concept on how to protect you. I was full of iniquity and need to completely confess. It was wrong and it did severe damage to you. I can only hold onto the restoration power of our Almighty Father who can heal the damage I have done. I am truly sorry and must admit my shame. I pray for restoration and peace for you.
To everyone who had a father that had consumed rage with your mother. You were constantly overlooked while your parents fought. You lived in crisis and abuse. All you ever received was fear, insecurity, and bitterness over your father’s rage:
Forgive me for my anger and not noticing that you were fearful and afraid. I lacked self-control and had too much fear within myself. You missed having a safe and joyful home. Please forgive me for depriving you of having peace.
To every Victim of Incest, Rape, and Abuse:
You did not deserve this, nor invite it. The horror of my deeds does not demonstrate the flaw in you, but the depth of depravity and disgust I had within myself. I left you to bear the weight of the shame because I didn’t know how to give it to G-d. Forgive me. It was unacceptable, and I see now how damaging it is for you.
To every child who was born at an inconvenient time or not the gender that your father wanted:
I’m deeply sorry. I did not put G-d’s plans before mine. I apologize for my selfish desires. They were very damaging to your identity and purpose. G-d made you who you are because of His perfect plan for you.
Please forgive me. You are perfect in every way, and your entrance into the world was at the exact second that G-d wanted. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
G-d knew precisely when you were to be born and which family you were to be born into. No parent is perfect, and some shouldn’t be parents at all. But G-d is much bigger than man’s shortcomings. You are not permanently damaged by what your father (or mother did). It is time to release the pain and insecurities your parent’s training may have given you. Your heavenly Father will fill all of your voids, ALL of them. Lean on Him to provide you with perfect peace and fulfillment. Thank your parents for what they did right and release them for what they did wrong. Rise above what you think you should have had and be grateful that you have access to all the healing necessary to make you whole. Rejoice in the reconciliation between you and your parents. Rejoice in the maturity G-d will give you in all circumstances. G-d WILL complete what He had started.
Amen & Shalom,
Eliyahu Praise
